On What I know

So, let’s talk about this blog thing. I’ve gone back and forth with myself about it for years now. Like – is it still cool if everyone is doing it? Does anyone out there even care about what I write? What if I offend someone with my posts? On the other hand, if I don’t see this through it might be something I regret. Add in the constant pressure of my perfectionism – I want the perfect title, layout, everything. And I want it now. No idea that comes into my head is ever somehow perfect enough. How much time have I actually wasted thinking instead of doing? I don’t know.

I was just living my life, musing about blogs every so often. Three times a week I raced around an Emergency Room working as a nurse, which both fascinated and exhausted me. I loved having “daily adventures” with my husband, whatever that meant. I tried hard to be intentional with my friendships. I enjoyed delicious food (both the making and eating parts), figuring out new places to travel, and bargain hunting for treasures. I did all of this while maintaining some pretty high standards for myself. Whether it was what I wore or how I plated my dinner, I wanted it to look like the picture I created in my head…and by golly, I was going to achieve it even if by the skin of my teeth.

Enter Zoya. She busted into my life in the most unexpected way possible. I mean, I knew I was pregnant and the end result would be a child. I did not, however, know that she was going to enter the world 2 months early. Me getting sick, leading to her birth, leading to my recovery and Zoya’s month long residence in our local NICU caused me to have a whole paradigm shift when it comes to life. It was no longer as I knew it. Things I once prioritized were no longer of any importance. A two pound thirteen ounce human being flipped my life upside down and caused me to reevaluate every part of it.

In the days that followed Zoya’s birth, especially the days in which we first brought her home, I began to realize that the perfection I so craved in my daily life was not worth it. Whereas pre-baby Galina could white knuckle her way to some impossible standard, post-baby Galina was always tired and had her hands full. Literally. Babies come with so much stuff. I began to understand and savor the messy, imperfect new life.

So this is where you currently find me.

Those who know my writing have always been pretty supportive. I remember my dad once telling me “writing is best when it is about what you know.” That stuck with me for all time.

This is what I know at the moment: everyday I face a juggling act of marriage, motherhood, career, friendships. Add making healthy lifestyle choices (while really just wishing for a Netflix and chips marathon) and the pressure of measuring up when looking in the mirror (body positivity or not…we all know the beauty standard is high up there,even at a few months post-partum). Our world is blaring messages about woman power at me from every direction – from picture perfect Instagram ultra moms to female corporate giants taking on gender bias – I am left to wonder where I fit in. And, more importantly, figuring out how to look at all of this through a filter of faith? How do I live my life as a
fundamentally flawed, yet unapologetically fierce, God-honoring woman in the millennial generation bent on perfection?

I ask myself this question daily. And I know I am not the only one.

How blessed we are that Christ declared, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9). We are then called to boast in our weaknesses, our imperfections, so that God’s power may be magnified. The quest for earthy perfection leaves no room for God’s transformative work in our lives. This is something I am learning about daily. I have never seen surrender as so beautiful before.

This blog is not going to be about one thing. Instead, it will feature many things that comprise life for me. Things I know. Imperfections made glorious by grace.

This blog is NOT going to be about putting on the pretenses of a perfect life. There are enough glossy, insecurity inducing blogs out there. I want to get real about stuff that matters, like motherhood, faith, and marriage… and have fun with the stuff that doesn’t matter too much but girls like anyways (read: makeup).

Here goes nothing. *cannonballs into the deep end*